PEERLESS PEERAGES : 10 Downing Street has reacted to the minor storm in a shitcup that is peerages today by publishing a price list.
The list will list (unsurprisingly) all the minor and major gongs and what they cost, and which major currencies are accepted.
Happily though peerages can be bought under “other means of exchange” whereby middling, underachieving individuals who are seething with unjustified resentment at the achievements of more talented colleagues can achieve fancy titles if they whore themselves out morally in the service of modern feudalism and mammon.
“The bonus for those types is they don’t even have to apply. We will identify them via psychometrics and offer them titled advancement so long as they are willing to be lackeys for the chaos engine. Easy,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views.
“For others though it is no longer sufficient to just let the free market in titles decide the cost. We’ve gone all crazy socialist and intervened to bring fairness and stability to the market. A level playing field wherein anyone with vast wealth can achieve the title of their dreams. Which is reassuringly conservative.”
Although the more upfront and honest approach to honours under the Johnson government is to be welcomed, some have expressed concerns regarding the weakening of the democratic validity of the upper House of Parliament.
“You do realise it’s entirely unelected?” the Downing Street source replied. “Which is exactly how we like it, otherwise chums like Goldsmith wouldn’t have gotten a peerage.”