ALL BREAKAGES MUST BE PAID FOR: Codebreaker extraordinaire Matt Hancock is trying to wriggle away from trouble again. His defence is that, on this occasion, the breakage was small and controlled.
In modern terms, breaking the ministerial code in a specific and limited way carries a consequence. This is likely to be a pat on the head and a pay rise.
Every sycophant and rentagobshite in the Conservative Party managed to drag their snout out of the magic money trough long enough to defend him. On the corruption scale, failing to notice that you own shares in your sister’s company while pushing piles on cash in her direction, apparently does not rank very highly.
“It’s vital to place these events in context,” waffled one such arselicker, Lord Puceface of Gammon. “This may, technically, have been a slight breach, but it’s hardly a crime to support the family business, even without realising it.”
So this isn’t a resigning matter?
“Oh my goodness, no!” exclaimed His Lordship. “One only resigns for really serious offences, like saying something positive about the EU, or having a crack at Princess Nut Nuts while Boris is off rogering one of his regular fillies.”
Does it not bother you that Hancock has siphoned off public money to his own sister, and then pretended not to know about it?
“We are talking a paltry few mill here,” replied Puceface. “A trifling sum, easily overlooked. Now I have known young Hancock since he was a little boy, he works tirelessly for this country and only greases palms when it’s absolutely necessary. Nobody died, that’s what we must focus upon. There is no victim here!”
Apart from UK taxpayers, and the reputation of the government and the UK.
Maybe Hancock should be sacked in a specific and limited way. After all, he only does his job in a specific and limited way.