THE FLAG WHO SHAGGED ME : Downing Street is set to announce a special public holiday for Monday next week to celebrate the unveiling of our increased offensive capacity.
The cause of celebration is the unveiling of the UK’s new Eurofighter jets, which are now repainted with so many Union Flags no one could possibly take them seriously as an attack aircraft.
“We need everyone to get the Union Flag bunting out and wave it all at once all together,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views. “This way the fighters will camouflage seamlessly with the landscape below and no enemy will ever be able to spot them with even the most powerful satellites. We can all do our bit. Buses need flags too. And dogs need flag jackets. Basically just flags. Flags. Flags. Because we’re a serious country now, thanks to Brexit.”
But while all our thrilled that the pan European project has been completed successfully the name of the fighters is said to be of serious concern.
“Eurofighter isn’t a great look. It suggests we can achieve things working in partnership with other European countries. Which is wrong. They’re now the enemy.”
Happily the geniuses governing us have a solution.
“We are announcing later today that the Eurofighter is now the Great British Spitfire Mark 2.0. This way nostalgia will blend seamlessly with our new strategy of being so ridiculous that no one will ever take us seriously enough to attack.”