UNDERMINING BREXIT : It is now clear to all patriots that the EU will stop at nothing to prevent Brexit being the success it self-evidently is. This is in spite of the tireless efforts of the German automotive sector, the French cheese sector and the Italian prosecco industry to ensure Brexit succeeds.
The latest pathetic attempt to undermine the project of Great British renewal came last night during the Eurovision song contest. It seems even in this star studded song contest Brussels is trying to do us down.
“We should remind Eurovision that it needs us more than we need it,” one avid UK fan posted on social media. All the social media. “Without our entry each year the competition would have virtually no interest to anyone. We should leave Eurovision immediately.”
And while patriotic citizens are rightfully enraged over the zero points our fully sovereign, free trading, global powerhouse received, reports suggest there is just a general sense of bafflement within 10 Downing Street.
“That’s nothing unusual,” a 10 Downing Street source tells LCD Views. “There’s always something baffling the occupants. Mostly it’s the wallpaper. Sometimes it’s the pandemic. Today it’s Eurovision. Mr Johnson himself did everything he could to ensure British success.”
The everything appears to have been sending a Royal Navy aircraft carrier to sea to intimidate the EU.
“We’re going to have to start divebombing French fishermen before next year’s competition. Let Brussels see us roar! Assuming the Americans continue to loan us the planes.”
Without the borrowed planes the giant ship is just an admiral’s yacht.
“Maybe that’s the way to win next year? A bit of Gilbert and Sullivan reworked? We are the very model of a fully sovereign, free trading nation, I’ve information vegetable, animal and mineral, I know the Kings of England and quote the fights historical…”
That might do it! Reading the lyrics Gilbert and Sullivan is now clear that is our contemporary time period. Let’s have Boris Johnson dress up as a 19th century admiral and sing at next year’s contest. Then he could truthfully say he did do all he could to ensure the UK’s success, for once.