BRING ME MY CHARIOT OF FIRE: Well-connected chums of the Tories running Britain for personal profit have spotted an opportunity. Since British farming is to be sacrificed in the name of Australian mass-produced boeuf à la hormone, there will soon be an abundance of green and pleasant land.
And all these expanses of soon-to-be vacant real estate comprise a business opportunity beyond compare. Buy up redundant farms at a knock-down price. Cover with houses. Sell for a massive profit. Hang on to a handful to provide a bit of pocket money. Sorted.
LCD Views’ Green Belt? What Green Belt? correspondent, investigated.
Typical of the type of developer is Jerry Bildt-Holmes. A wealthy Tory donor, he has allegedly already been promised large tracts of Wiltshire. “It’s a fantastic opportunity,” said Bildt-Holmes. “This is once in a lifetime. My companies are well placed to take advantage of this new availability, and we can sell it to the public as a way of solving Britain’s housing shortage!”
Is this building Jerusalem, or dark satanic mills?
“That makes absolutely no sense to me,” replied a confused Bildt-Holmes. “All I know is that the arrows of my desire will shortly be finding their mark.”
And how come you have – allegedly – been promised such a large amount of the countryside?
“Chap I know told me about it,” he answered. “Matt somebody. He’s pretty high up. Sold me a hospital the other day. Another absolute steal!”
And the price was right, I take it?
“It was a massive bargain!” crowed Bildt-Holmes. “And Matt knocked 75% off the price after I bunged the Conservative Party fifty grand.”
This must be what the Countenance Divine shining forth on our clouded hills must mean. Sunlit uplands indeed.
Those feet in ancient time may have walked upon England’s mountains green, but not for much longer. We will jerry-build juicy profit making on England’s green and pleasant land.