Mars has shocked the Solar System’s diplomatic community with its decision to deport the Mars rover, Perseverance, for apparently breaching its strict immigration laws. The red planet’s President, Kenneth Cgkalrsjjytq, claimed that Perseverance has not applied for the visa required by all Third Planet Nationals. Additionally, it has failed to supply proof of sufficient funds to support itself, and has no job offer from a Martian employer.
Earth has responded robustly by claiming that Mars is simply punishing the planet for leaving the planetary union known as the Solar System. ‘They needed us more than we needed them,’ said World Home Secretary, Pitee Painful. ’In future, Martians will no longer be permitted to visit remote, desolate, sparsely populated areas like Idaho, Uzbekistan or Norfolk without prior consent and the completion of the Anal Probing Licence Application, accompanied by a valid invitation, of course. Moreover, Martians currently held, er, visiting Area 51 must go home.’ She was asked by the journalists whether Mars would no longer be on the so-called green list. ‘Well, it is known as the Red Planet ha ha ha,’ she added.
Mr Cgkalrsjjytq responded by saying that Earthlings will always be welcome provided that they adhere to the rules. These includes a continuing ban on stag and hen parties. ‘And Mr Stanley Johnson will of course be allowed to come to prepare his house for the tourist season.’
In other related news, Pluto has rejected the proposed trade deal with Earth. ‘Where was Earth when the Solar System decided we weren’t big enough to be a planet, eh?’ said President @&/“-!*•.