WE ARE A SECURE NATION : A deep dive study into Brexit and how it could have been prevented has released an interim report today to reveal the findings so far.
The study has been conducted by a world famous team at The University of Heads Hitting Walls. Lead researcher on the project Professor Exasperation agreed to talk to us and lay out what he and his team have discovered.
“Brexit is only a surface project. In terms of what is said about it by Brexiteers. Clearly the real agenda is a new age of feudalism with Great Britain as the epicentre. The only industry will be money laundering. Everything else will be imported and the people can starve, so long as they toil for their lords. But the serfs may not have voted marginally for that, even with the illegal overspends which ensured the ref result secure and democratic. So the Brexiters lied through their teeth and are still lying through their teeth today, and bafflingly the official opposition is still going along with it.”
At this point we had to interrupt the Professor and explain to him he was now Professor Boring. He apologised and got to the point.
“Look. It’s perfectly obvious. Brexit was won on slogans. On appeals to the emotion. On digging into and bigging up misremembered history bleeding into nostalgia for a time when 1% of Brits ruled half the world. Thus if the EU had been smarter they could just have swallowed the bitter pill of renaming the European Court of Justice to The British Court of Justice. That way the Brexit voting demographic in the British populace would have assumed they ruled Europe and everyone would have forgotten about it.”
That’s more like it.
“I blame Europe. They could have saved us from ourselves by just changing one single word. That’s because we’re exceptional.”