SUB PRIME PEERAGES : FANTASTIC opportunities for the country’s high street shoppers with the slashing of the cost of peerages. Neatly timed too with the reopening of “non-essential” retail.
The value of being a Lord or Lady has been tumbling for a while after Boris Johnson used the honour system to stuff the House of Lords with Brexiters requiring a payoff.
“Just making Goldsmith a peer and retaining him as a minister slashed the value by 10%. The people threw him out on his ear at a GE and before he had a chance to bounce Johnson had ennobled him and stuffed him into the Lords. Then there’s Fox. Another 10%. So on like this. But Lord Frost has basically turned peerages into something the equivalent of junk bonds.”
While for some this may seem to undermine the democratic legitimacy of the unelected upper house, for people looking for a way to cheer themselves up after a long lockdown winter it’s a golden opportunity.
“We’ve all got that member of the family, normally an ageing male, who wants a coat of arms to appear impressive to their peers. Well now you can just rock down to the local pound store and pick up a peerage. You can imagine how envious they’ll be when they have to call you Lord or Lady. Ha! Especially as they can’t be seen dead in the pound store themselves. Total stitch-up.”
Although some punters are said to be holding off buying their peerage even now and waiting to see what LORD Frost does next.
“If he carries on his current trajectory of agreeing deals with the EU, proclaiming them a British negotiating success and then about facing twenty four hours later to claim the EU is abusing the UK and he wants to renegotiate? Mate. You won’t be able to give a peerage away. This just proves that giving inadequate people high status so they’ll do whatever you ask them to is a boon for British shoppers.”