WORLD BEATING HOLIDAYING : The UK’s greatest living viral Prime Minister is on the receiving end of a never ending deluge of plaudits, and he adds another trophy to the cabinet today.
A study into his holidays has revealed he really pulled out the stops to take his mistress at the time to Mustique.
“He did everything he did, whatever that was,” the lead author on the study tells LCD Views. “It must have been impressive, given that he still refuses to say who actually paid for the luxury break and underreported its value in the official register.”
The holiday was certainly needed as he had to get her strength for the coming trials he would face while Prime Minister, and many hope after he’s been prime minister.
“You don’t mismanage a pandemic without a good rest first. You don’t move the woman you cheated on your last wife with into 10 Downing Street without some time relaxing on a boat. And you certainly can’t witness the miracle of birth with a partner showing no visible signs of pregnancy unless you’ve had some serious down time.”
Clearly Mr Johnson’s MPs have formed a protective square around him over the secretly funded holiday and are determined to keep him in post.
“There’s so many snouts in the trough with Johnson as PM everyone has to do everything they can to keep it that way until all the public’s money has been shifted out to accounts in island paradises. It’s a nice symmetry to the holiday that is now a scandal.”
The study does hold out one angle of support for the Prime Minister.
“They’re maybe nothing too much to learn about the five star break,” the researcher floats, “just who are you pathetic little plebs to question the decisions of the world king? Know your place. It is not yours to question why, it is yours to stay home and die. Which leads us back to the pandemic and Mr Johnson’s lethal mismanagement. Let’s call that the Mustique variant.”