WHAT’S SO CIVIL ABOUT WAR ANYWAY : FANTASTIC results in the UK’s local elections this week which have given an overwhelming mandate for the main English political parties to carry on with business as usual. The usual meaning that anyone who wanted to remain in the EU, and anyone who thinks Brexit is a terrible idea now, can just get stuffed. It’s democracy in action. Minority ruling majority. Almost a tyranny.
“It’s just wonderful, so magnificent,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views. “Had we suffered heavy defeats we may have had to take stock. And I don’t just mean PPE! Ha! But the public just shrugged and said the corruption and disaster capitalism, the squashing of women peacefully protesting into the turf, all those garbage Brexit promises, treating asylum seekers like animals, all this stuff is just great. Boris is very happy. He’s considering getting an even younger fiancée just for a laugh. He can do anything and the proles just lap it up. They actually seem to like his intentional cruelty. In fact we all are cock a hoop. You should see Priti Patel’s mad little grin. Ear to ear.”
Some have quibbled of course and said that the right to hard right maybe a block vote in the current era but it’s not a majority.
“Who cares? May I introduce you to FPTP at Westminster? The mother of parliaments is a mother man.”
Others have pointed a finger at centre to left parties and said they’d be able to defeat the parties of hate if they just worked together.
“Where’s the fun in that? This way the Corbynistas get to carry on pretending that their man never lost a battle even though he was overwhelming rejected by the electorate. The current Labour leadership gets to pretend that if it’s going to win it needs to chase Johnson’s politics even harder. More flags. More patriotism. More ignoring Brexit. Clearly they haven’t listened hard enough to the red wall who want to be lied to. Start lying. Look at the PM!. And ONLY the red wall exists in English politics. It’s made everything much simpler.”
What the actual majority of the country who aren’t sociopaths or wilfully ignorant, who don’t like punching themselves in the face are supposed to now isn’t that clear.
“Stay apathetic. Don’t vote. Don’t unite. It’s a simple recipe and your Prime Minister is very happy with you. Which is all that really matters.”
Want to buy some democracy? Cash, cheque or wire transfer? The electorate respects it. And the rest of you, the progressives, whatever you do don’t unite, don’t make common cause or you’ll make Boris sad…