DRY DRY DOCK : The United Kingdom’s Prime Minister is said to be “so furious he’s turned to drink” after the SHOCK discovery Norway has sovereignty over its coastal waters.
The surprising revelation comes after the Norwegian government BETRAYED Downing Street by refusing to just give it what it wanted.
”It’s a complete slap in the face with a wet fish,” a Drowning Street source told LCD Views. “Who knew? Why did no one mention it before? Is it even possible to be in the EU’s orbit and make decisions about your own waters? We didn’t think that was possible since the EU forced us to stop flushing turds into ours all those years ago.”
How the Norwegians did it will need working out fast as the promise of boom times for fishermen was one of the propaganda levers pulled to get Brexit.
“No one has told Liz Truss yet. She is operating on the basis that as we’re now a fully independent, sovereign trading nation everyone has to give us exactly what we want. The Norwegians are endangering our entire global trade policy.”
How the Norwegians found the bottle to say no to the U.K. government will also be under focus. We want their fish, they have to give us their fish, so we can sell their fish to ourselves. Anything else just isn’t British.
“David Davis has apparently googled the PM’s phone number and Whatsapp’d him to suggest getting the German carmakers on the case. That’s a good start but we may need to go further. We’re going to need to drive a big red bus around Norway to convince them that we have sovereignty over their waters.”
The one likely first move is to have Lord Frost tell struggling British fishermen that we’re sovereign equals to the entire EU. They can rest assured the EU will crack and tell Norway what to do.
“It’s a double blow for Boris. He was supposed to be spending today signing off on photographed images of him and Carrie shopping in John Lewis.”
British fishermen need not worry too much though as they can always “retrain for a career in cyber. Or perhaps become ballerinas.”
The lies on the bus go round and round until sooner or later they hit you square in the fully sovereign face.