Foodbank selfies by Tory MPs are of course frowned upon by that persistent scourge of modern British life, the ‘woke’. I won’t capitalise the noun as it is neither proper nor to be encouraged.
Clearly the so called progressive forces on the map of the culture war wish to drag our great country back in time to when the food bank sector was in its infancy. In spite of all the claims to be concerned for their fellow man, this desire to rob the needy of sustenance gives the lie to their claims.
And in a pandemic too!
“If an elected official can not celebrate the fruits of his labour, what is the point of office?” – Z. Z. Zenopho, Arcadia, 324BC.
Dominic Raab is the latest to attract the ire of the filthy, dirty nailed, beggar soldiers of the extreme left-anarcho-fascist-antifa-international-snowflake-conspiracy. Or ‘Woke’ for shorthand.
Can you tell me of any other Foreign and Commonwealth Secretary of State in modern times who would have taken the time out of his busy schedule to visit a foodbank? The MP for Esther and Voltar is exemplary in his desire to make an example of himself. This can only encourage the lazy to work harder and feed themselves.
Imagine yourself as a disappointed small boy, stomach pains from hunger, holding a dry pot noodle in your hands, as your lazy parents take you shopping for freebies at the local food bank. If only they would take a fifth or sixth job, just like architect of austerity George Osborne, then maybe one day you could have a steak.
Suddenly this haze of despair at the accident of your birth is blown away by the hot wind of Raab, striding like a colossus across the very foundation stones of the caring and conservative policies that put you here to begin with!
“There is a man!” You would doubtless cry, to the embarrassment of your workshy family.
Maybe if you were very lucky Mr Raab will gift you an autographed copy of a child’s atlas? Assuming he has finished studying it.
Maybe, if the Gods have really decided to favour you this day, Mr Raab will tower over you as he raises his smart phone high and takes that selfie? Imagine your giddy thrill to see the throbbing temple veins of this titan up close?
No doubt your listless mother would find the energy to swoon.
For like the great trophy hunters of old, ridding the sub-continent of the terror of large cats and rhinoceros, a Tory MP in a food bank is indeed making a clean kill and taking a pelt to hang on their wall. If you’re just lucky enough, it maybe yours.