BURNS PUBLIC MONEY FOR FUN : BORIS JOHNSON has come a long way from the rumoured days of youth when he burnt £50 notes in front of homeless people for fun.
That sort of small time waste and intentional cruelty is now very much amateur league stuff in consideration of his activities as First Lord of the Treasury. Now he burns billions and incinerates them on the hour.
“It’s a calling,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views. “Some are called to be doctors, nurses, firefighters or any number of professions that improve the lives of others. Johnson was called to be a human wrecking ball on the public’s finances.”
Whether it’s repainting planes he will hardly use to be more pointedly jingoistic, or refitting Downing Street out like a Topkapi Palace harem, Johnson is not shy at shovelling wads of cash onto a bonfire of his vanity.
“The £2.6m Downing Street press briefing room was small time but nicely symbolic,” the source continues. “Especially now it’s just going to be another meeting room, and after those nice Russians did such a good job on it too.”
It’s not entirely clear why the PM has backtracked on the US style briefings. Presumably because the individual hired to perform the sacred duty of shielding him from scrutiny, A Stratton, has decided she doesn’t want to completely shred her reputation on his pointy altar? Or maybe because now that Trump has gone US briefings are actually useful again.
“None of that matters. What matters is what Mr Johnson will now use his new £2.6m room for. He’ll turn up every now and then to clap for the NHS. Once he’s performed 2.6m claps we’ll be starting to see real value for money!”