Brexit means Brexit. And now that we have Brexit, we, the English, must demand our independence, and once more become a giant on the world stage. As always, there is a price to pay. The deplorable scenes in Belfast show the way forward. We must jettison Ireland to avoid being tainted by their petty internal squabbles.
This means, sadly, that we must disappoint our Unionist friends – for now. English independence was always the primary objective of Brexit, and if you didn’t realise this, then you cannot have been paying attention properly.
But England cannot be associated with the senseless civil war on the Emerald Isle. It is better to let Ireland go, than to tolerate these scuffling fools and thereby destroy our glorious reputation.
It need not be this way. Our position is clear, and always has been. We genuinely love Ireland, but cannot abide the division between North and South. A united Ireland would be welcomed back into the English fold, but there must be two conditions. Firstly, this abhorrent violence towards the forces of Law & Order must cease. Secondly, Dublin must forego its foolish and damaging insistence of dangling from the coat-tails of the EU.
We must be a lean, mean Nation. We must now take our preeminent position in the developed world. Global Britain will become, once again, the heart of the Global Village. We will achieve this through a divine mixture of ideological and Anglo-Saxon purity. Our awestruck neighbours will bow before the might of England. The restoration of the Empire is around the corner, and we must seize this opportunity with both hands.
So once again, we must offer Ireland the choice. Join hands with us, and prosper. Reject us, and feel the consequences.
Colony, Overseas Territory, or Vassal State? The choice is yours. Over to you, Dublin.