YOU SEE HIM HERE, YOU SEE HIM THERE: Transparency is at the heart of government. And many people have certainly seen through Michael Gove.
He seems to have vanished before our very eyes. Westminster rumours suggest that Gove has auditioned, successfully, to play The Invisible Man. Furthermore, the rumour mill suggests that Gove takes his method acting very seriously. To which end, he has dug out his faithful chemistry set.
To play invisible, you have to experience invisible. So it comes as no surprise to learn that the raw ingredients for a Vanishing Potion were recently delivered to Chez Gove. Here it is believed that the scientific marvel himself created the potion. After all, he is believed to have supplied most of the Conservative Party with his home-made turnip-based cocaine substitute.
Residents of the quaint village of Slugsby-in-the-Muck have reported a number of strange occurrences recently. Villagers have sometimes experienced a “presence”, as though detecting an unseen presence. Occasionally a figure in a long coat and dark glasses, wrapped in bandages, has been glimpsed at dusk. Objects have disappeared in mysterious fashion, sometimes before people’s very eyes. The only clue is a lingering air of smugness.
Another worrying incident is the sighting of Mrs Gove. Though not traumatic in itself, she has been observed, on her own, having an animated conversation. Normally this is passed off as a Daily Mail journalist working herself up into a bilious state. But recently it seems that the empty space next to her has been involved in the conversation.
What’s more, a disembodied voice has been heard in quieter corners of the village. While not unheard of in this corner of the world, this voice is unusual. Instead of random phrases, fossilised in time, it sounds like it is practising a speech. The promises contained within are as empty as the space occupied by the voice.
Filming is due to start as soon as lockdown restrictions permit. But the star of the show appears to have vanished.