PUNCH IN ANY DIRECTION YOU LIKE SO LONG AS IT’S DOWN : EDUCATION SUPERSTAR GAV ‘i’VE GOT A SPIDER’ williAMSON is doing his bit to win the war on woke for the triumphant government of Little Trump Johnson.
Gav ‘I keep a whip in sight so people think I’m tough’ Willyiamson is not going to be left behind when it’s time for the awards after complete and total defeat of anyone who thinks it’s good to be nice to people, even if you don’t know them.
Today he makes another bold push into No Man’s Land with the decision to order the nation’s primary schools to teach children right wing comedy.
“Mother in law jokes are back!” an aide to Williamson told LCD Views. “So too Irish jokes. Jokes about the disabled. Jokes about funny little foreigners. Jokes about anyone that isn’t straight, white and English? Fill your boots son!”
And Gavin isn’t fighting this front on his own. A crack advisory panel and men recently banned by Twitter has been assembled to make sure PMT has you in stitches. Lead by no less an esteemed right wing comic than Jacob Rees-morgue himself!
“The holy grail is of course a PC gone mad joke about an overly emotional, disabled, ethnic minority woman who speaks English as a second language. But the order is across the board. Who can think of anything funnier than someone in a wheelchair getting splashed by water as they attempt to navigate their way passed some dog mess on a broken pavement? That is visual gold. If you don’t think it’s funny, you probably don’t have a place in Global Britain.”
Critics have asked though why the order doesn’t extend to secondary schools and universities?
“By the time kids reach adolescent it’s already too late to teach them that laughing at differences is what keeps us all together. We’re going to close secondary schools instead and turn them into fruit picking academies. Which will be hilarious!”
The introductory unit in the curriculum will be titled “Women – why they’re so funny when try to do a man’s job!”. This will feature handy audio-visual references to Benny Hill sketches so we all understand the direction of travel.
“My favourite bit is the physical comedy section. Donald Trump himself is going to record a segment explaining how to mock the disabled and get away with it. It’s hard to think of a greater achievement for a right wing comic. Our children will follow the example of the best of them.”
Right wing comedy – it’s funny and Gav will be happy to explain it.