FATHERLAND : Go Daddy Go! It’s official, Boris Johnson is the best example of a possible it is father to find in the Kingdom United. And there’s nothing front to back it about!
“We’re all just gushing inside,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views. “His current alleged bit on the side, his girlfriend, his mistress, the woman who he sees quarterly, the ladies at that villa in Tuscany. his most recent fiancée and his ex-wives could not agree more. You know what tipped the scales?”
Don’t keep us in suspenders! What?
“It is said he let a donor pay for gold sheet for the nursery walls. I mean, what a dad? Most dad’s can’t be bothered with all the hassle of arranging the kickback, allegedly.”
The decision to declare Mr Johnson as the greatest example of fathering in the United Kingdom was apparently rather easy too.
“He had a committee of Downing Street staff investigate. Set it up and let them get on with it. Like he does with most of his offspring. You can’t stick around when you’ve got so much fathering to do, in so many houses!”
Did anyone else come into contention?
“Of course! Dominic Cummings came third for doing what any father would do in a pandemic. You know trips up motorways while sick with a potentially lethal virus. Eye tests at speed with your kid strapped in the back. Really outstanding work, like all of his efforts. And Stanley Johnson was the runner up.”
One would have expected that the older Johnson may have taken the gong?
“It was a close call. But no one could decide which country he’d be in when it is time to receive it.”
It’s quite a week for Downing Street.
“Yes. Johnson has solved racism and now he’s the greatest dad, purely by virtue of how many kids he’s gathered, both acknowledged and not.”