I DON’T KNOW MUCH ABOUT ART, BUT I KNOW WHAT I LIKE: Infamous wine box painter Boris Johnson has struck again. He has produced a self portrait which had been sold for a world beating sum.
An anonymous buyer has paid £2.6m for the artwork. It’s current whereabouts are unknown, but rumour places it blu-tacked to the walk-in fridge at 10 Downing Street.
LCD Views’ Painting Corner correspondent wanted to find out more, and sought an expert in the field.
“This self portrait is of the Primary School school of art,” claimed art critic Michaelangelo Myarse. “But if you look deeper, there are hidden meanings and some profound symbolism.”
Go on then, I’ll bite. Please explain further.
“If you regard the Work with a sufficient degree of rotation, the characteristically ruffled hair takes on the semblance of a bunch of bananas,” explained Myarse. “Here you may infer a moderate curvature, which harks back to Mr Johnson’s struggles with EU regulations. The mere presence of the fruit indicates a deep spiritual growth, the yellow colour is a bold primary shade that demonstrates Mr Johnson’s desire for strength and simplicity.”
But it’s unfinished. You see the outlines of the hair, or bananas, in pencil. It hasn’t even been coloured in properly!
“That’s the Primary School style,” chided Myarse. “The seemingly sloppy presentation indicates an untrammelled intellect. The most valuable Primary School works are by artists whose refusal to be constrained by an outline shows a desire to think outside the box.”
It doesn’t even resemble Johnson.
“It doesn’t have to, that’s the beauty of this school of art,” said Myarse. “The broad smile represents the artist’s great confidence and happy go lucky nature. It is one of the Great Works of the Primary School school, executed with the traditional media of A4 printer paper, clipboard, and child’s paintbox!”
In other words, it is incredibly expensive tat. Doubtless it will end up in the Brexit Museum.