GIG ECONOMY POSITION : DOWNING STREET has moved to pour oil over troubled waters today regarding the ongoing furore over Prime Minister Boris Johnson’s serial infidelity.
Some dour and prudish types have suggested that a man who is prepared to cheat on a wife undergoing cancer treatment may not be best suited for high office? Happily for Mr Johnson he rules over Brexitannia, so moral standards don’t matter.
“We are moving to quell the ongoing chatter as it’s very distracting for the prime minister when he’s making model buses out of empty wine crates,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views. “And once the position of the PM’s mistress is a cabinet one then no one can say that whoever it is today is being paid inappropriately from public money. They’ll even get a pension and full job security, well, until the weekly reshuffle of the post.”
The move to make the position a full cabinet one does also show there is an aspirational quality to gig economy jobs.
“Zero hours contract? Random remuneration, but potentially large windfalls for services rendered? Could become an actual member of the government? Why not be a mistress? It’s part of Mr Johnson’s work as a feminist.”
The job title will be Secretary of State for Screwing the Prime Minister, which will see it eagerly sought after by a whole selection of much younger women with interesting friends.
“It needs to be a cabinet position too, as the mistress to the PM can be presumed to have significant political influence.”
The decision is a shock though to some who expected the position to be reverse cowgirl, or any other position found after consulting famous ministerial guide, the Kama Sutra.