MILKING THE SITUATION: Anonymous Tory MP Sir Charles “Milkman” Walker has been arrested for protesting. He is expected to serve the maximum ten years in prison.
Walker decided to carry a pint of milk at all times, in protest. The price of milk, he said, was too high, or possibly too low, he would decide later. But the important thing was the milk. It symbolised… well, something. He would decide later.
Walker was defiant and unashamed after sentencing. “It is my right to carry a pint of milk on my person at all times!” said Walker. “I don’t even know if I like milk, I will decide later. Anyway it’s not about the milk, it’s about something else, I will decide what later. But I’m jolly cross about something!”
The new law encapsulates this government’s unwritten law of inverse consequences. In other words, the lesser the offence, the more severe the punishment.
The new rules are actually part of Priti Patel’s Punching Down Policy, clarified the ubiquitous anonymous source.”It’s the trickle up theory,” explained the source. “If you punish minor infringements harshly, it will discourage potential criminals and we all sleep more easily.”
Especially the major criminals who are creaming off public money without any pushback.
“We must set an example,” continued the source, ignoring the point. “In Sir Charles’s case, somebody complained about the smell of sour milk. The full force of the Act was mobilised. We are all in this together!”
Won’t Sir Charles find a convenient loophole? Like the ban on foreign travel unless you happen to be a stinking rich Tory MP with second homes on the continent?
Again the source ignored the question. “Transparency is the driving force,” said the source. “And I can see right through you, so this conversation is at an end.”
Clear as milk. But the big question remains. Full fat, or semi-skimmed?
https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/covid-restrictions-milk-protest_uk_605cbdeec5b6531eed02d49c