WHATEVER IT TAKES : The sleepy little town of Basset-Flux, a Conservative stronghold that voted 99.9% in favour of Brexit, is in the news again today after their MP was cleared of wrongdoing over an expenses claim.
The Right Honourable Barry Glaize has served the constituency as its MP since someone stuck a blue rosette on him at birth. But this is the first time he has come into contact with notoriety.
A source inside the MP’s constituency office said “Barry was shocked to get a phone call from the chief whip himself. He didn’t even know Barry existed, so far as we could tell. Mind you Barry always just nods like a dog and claps like a seal, so there’s no reason he should have stood out. He’s really just lobby fodder because the local people pay next to no attention to who they elect.”
Now though Mr Glaize is having his fifteen minutes of fame after claiming £0.36 for the time it took him to select and use Union Flag emojis in a tweet regarding the Battle of Agincourt.
“He was serving the people of Basset-Flux when he tweeted to demand the 24th of OCtObER be a national holiday. Why shouldn’t he be reimbursed? He’s not a charity. He’s not a food bank.”
And it seems the PM’s office agrees as it has blocked a referral to the committee that investigates expenses fraud.
”I think asking him to tweet the wrong date was a nice touch. Should help the dead cat along. You’ve got to stretch yourself after old Walker agreed to make a spectacle with a pint of milk! Anything to keep the smouldering bin fire that the U.K. now is off the front pages. National service and all that.”
Whether or not Mr Glaize will get his public holiday remains to be seen.
“He’s ready to tweet about it again with even more flag emojis. Just waiting for the whips to call again. Bit like standing still on the road to Mount Doom waiting for the Eye of Susan to find you! But we’re ready to do our bit to stop anyone hearing how many doses of that medicine the EU has exported to the UK. Just pick up the phone.”