DEDICATED TO JAMES WILD MP : EXCITING NEWS for patriots today with the announcement from Downing Street that the UK 2021 Census is to be redone.
The decision to retake the national fact finding exercise comes after sharp eyed Tory MP James “Unchained” Wild made a shocking discovery.
“He’s so quick on the draw,” a Downing Street source told LCD Views. “Millions of people filled in the census but the only one to realise it was a fundamentally flawed exercise was James. There we no Union Flag symbols anywhere. It’s a national crisis. We don’t know who we are as a people without them. We’re thinking of giving him a cabinet position. A whole new ministry of patriotism maybe. His place in the history books is now secured.”
While some would expect Tory MPs to be concerned over the thousands of food banks that have grown in their years in government. Or maybe the risk of the breakup of the actual UK caused by Brexit, thus rendering the Union Flag obsolete. Or maybe whether or not we should sell arms into the world’s conflict zones, and then moan about refugees turning up. James is on the money.
“Obsession with national symbols to maintain an edifice of credibility is vitally important as the country moves into complete bin fire stage,” the source confirms. “James has done us all a service. It doesn’t matter what the quality of life is in the UK. It doesn’t matter if our trade is withering fast. It doesn’t matter if over 120K have died avoidably during a plague. What matters is flags. Focus on the flags.”
History will remember their deeds in a time of national crisis. Mr Wild MP has ensured he too will get his own little footnote under the chapter, “The UK – My Part In Its Downfall”, which will feature the recorded efforts of the country’s elected representatives as it failed.
All hail James! Flagshagger MP extraordinaire.