SHAPE SHIFTING TRUTH TWISTING : Like all good and dutiful subjects of Queen Elizabeth, the English Prime Minister Boris Johnson yesterday completed the 2021 census.
Rumours have it that his answers are some of the more entertaining to be recorded yesterday, and many of them answered several times, or at the very least in duplicate.
LCD Views has received a leak which is is claimed (without any justification at all) to be the PM’s entry from the National Office of Statistics.
“It says he recorded his occupation as ‘World King’ and ‘Shapeshifting Creep’,” our leaky correspondent notes. “For address he wrote down ‘10 and 11 Downing Street’, but also ‘Wherever a busty barmaid and a bed are’.”
So much so predictable.
“Nationality gets rather interesting as he’s recorded himself as ‘Could not give a toss, except where it suits my political objectives’ but also ‘1930’s’.”
This effectively squashes rumours that he had written European down, but points to where he takes inspiration for governance.
Religious beliefs also turned up as expected.
“Church of Brexit and Me.”
And that was not all.
“The section where he had to record his relationships to the other members of the household is fun, it is the only one where he recorded a single answer.”
And what was that?
“Temporary. Which is no change from the previous censuses he has filled out. It is stronger however, than his relationship to the truth. Which is none.”