WORDS AND DEEDS : Britain’s second worst prime minister ever (general, public consensus), Theresa May, is rumoured to have completed the 2021 Census a day early.
The reason for the fast, decisive and early action was a result of a course of self-improvement.
“She’s trying to break from the old habits of dithering and control freakery that marked her time both in cabinet and as prime minister,” someone claiming to be her aide said. “Like Grenfell? Remember that? In the end the City of London had to arrange a response as May was as non-reactive as granite.”
Of course it’s not fair to claim that May was always too slow to act. Who can forget the speed with which she arranged those fantastic “Go Home” vans when she was Home Secretary?
And dithering can have its advantages, given she became prime minister by hiding in a cupboard while the leadership contest played out, post the criminally corrupted EURef of 2016, before stepping out over the dead to claim victory and office.
“I am a little concerned though that she may now be suffering from a case of act in haste and repent at leisure. She is uncertain if she wrote British, Citizen of Nowhere, or European down as her nationality. She’s in something of a panic.”
Oh dear. Let’s hope she got it right. And it’s not a case of her usual way since returning to the back benches of saying one thing and doing another.
“You must be thinking of how she makes these forthright Commons speeches dressing down Boris Johnson over his latest atrocious bit of lawmaking, before voting for it anyway? She just wants to be loved. Like anyone. It’s important to remember that.”
Theresa May. By her words and her deeds, will she be remembered, by common Con-Census.