INGERLAND FOR THE INGERLISH : Exciting developments happen every day in the fully independent, sovereign, free trading, international law breaking powerhouse off the coast of continental Europe and today is no different!
Later today the prime minister’s spokesperson will take to the forrin built podium in the totally necessary Downing Street briefing room to announce today’s big surprise. But we can give you the scoop in advance!
“We’ve spent £800m developing a language app that will prepare all Britons, and especially the youth, for the exciting possibilities now opening up like a chasm, thanks to Brexit.”
The app is littered with classic British symbolism.
“John Bull is the icon and a cartoon Winston Churchill will pop up now and again to invite you to celebrate colonialism, and of course, the war.”
Users of the app will be everyone in the U.K. as download and use will be compulsory by law.
“Learn such classic phrases as ‘DO. YOU. SPEAK. ENGLISH?’ and ‘TWO WORLD WARS AND ONE WORLD CUP’.”
But that’s not all, bonus exercises will have a historical theme that will leave you hysterical.
“WE GAVE YOU RAILWAYS” will be accompanied by such useful phrases as “CLASSIC BRITISH CUISINE” with photos of potatoes and turnips.
But there is one diplomatic add-on for those planning to conquer their holidays in the sun.
“POR FAVOR DOS CERVESAS PRONTO” will load you up with all you need for that Costa del Sol mini-break.
Download the app that will prepare you for Britain’s tomorrow like it was yesterday. Just look for “Monolingual” in the App Store.
“It has John Bull on the front because it’s full of it!”