BIG BOYS TOYS : The UK’s loaded weapon, Boris Johnson, is in the mood to go shopping. Not for food banks obviously, but for an even greater deterrent to living in the new world he is creating.
The particular item on the shopping list has the potential to degrade life even faster than the policies he and his party have helped bring in since 2010. He’s shopping for more nukes.
“Clearly we don’t have enough of them,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views. “Look at all the attention North Korea has been getting just on the fear of a rogue state maybe possessing one? Imagine the world’s newest rogue nation with hundreds? Everyone will want to talk to us. It’s genius.”
Not being ignored by the other kids in the playground does seem to be the driving motivation. We’ve left the world’s largest trading bloc, and all the promises of a glorious new future now relies on what we can do alone. So we better do something potentially explosive.
“It’s about preparing the U.K. for the maddest of futures. If you don’t like us and what we’re doing look at our nuclear arsenal. Now you’re going to have to talk to us.”
It is clearly a way to also fulfil what appears to be Johnson’s primary directive as prime minister. Spending every last penny of the public purse on things that give his empty, maggot infested inner life a moment of passing pleasure. Nukes aren’t cheap. Much more expensive than nurses.
But there must be a deeper logic? Why do we need hundreds of them when just one has as much destructive power as Brexit?
“Anyone who has been paying attention knows we need to increase our stockpile by 40%,” the source explains. “Last time we got involved in a nuclear war we didn’t have anywhere near enough of them. It makes perfect sense.”
We send £350m a week to the EU, let’s leave and buy nuclear weapons instead. The famous bus has had another update.
“He’s not forgotten the NHS in all this,” the source adds. “A cartoon drawing of a nurse will be painted on every warhead.”
Boris Johnson’s U.K. isn’t MAD, it’s crazy. Money well spent.