PATRIOTIC HOT AIR : The U.K. is said to be in a “frenzy of self congratulation” today not seen since the conga lines of VE Day 2020 helped out the pandemic.
The cause of the flushed cheek joy is said to be the spotting of a patriotic wind blowing over the Home Counties. Right thinking citizens took a brief respite from the “war on woke” to step into their green and pleasant gardens and look to the heavens.
“This is certain to give Boris Johnson a poll boost not seen since everyone conveniently forgot 130,000+ people have died of that rather nasty cold on his watch. Or was it the flu? I can’t recall,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views.
The wind, said to be red, white and blue began blowing as the sun rose and is said to be the best “example of hot air” since the last time the PM held a press conference.
Plans by the Conservative Party to bottle the wind are underway so that patriots can purchase it and open it in the comfort of their homes.
“If you’re worried about job security you won’t be anymore once you’ve inhaled the nationalist hot air,” the source added.
Downing Street have responded by ordering all Union Jacks in the U.K. flown at full mast, even the numerous ones held captive inside ministers’ living rooms.
Meteorological experts expect the wind to arrive at 10 Downing Street by lunch time at which point the Prime Minister will “stand in the Rose Garden and open his mouth wide” and the “blue, red and white hot air will come home”.
A Spitfire flypast is planned in the next thirty minutes and the BBC will carry the reassuring and stupefying footage on a continual loop until the time it is required to once again report on the devious machinations of the wily Europeans.
“This is a British wind,” the source adds. “A force of hot air the entire world can’t help but notice and recognise.”