FRIENDS IN HIGH PLACES : The Serco Track and Trace system is receiving a lot of flack this week over the paltry £37bn cost it has absorbed for questionable public health outcomes. But it has one defender outside of the cabinet.
Speaking earlier today in the House of Lords Tory Life Peer Lord Phumble Knut of Bileheath praised the efforts of the private team behind the world beating system.
“Austerity was said to be a great redistribution catalyst from the public purse to the deserving wealthy, but Track and Trace has proven to be far more efficient.”
Lord Knut went on to list the tangible successes of the system.
“The pension and social care bill for the Exchequer has been notably reduced over the course of the pandemic, with every contact who was either not contacted in a timely fashion, or not supported to isolate after, undoubtedly spreading the virus further in their communities. Those crowing Antipodeans could learn a thing or two from Mother England.”
And it isn’t just in the catastrophic second wave over the winter where the Lord of Bileheath noticed success.
“Just the sheer number of Georgian manors purchased by holders of the PPE and Track and Trace contracts, those modern day golden tickets to Willy Wonkas famous chocolate factory, just the number of them alone speak to the dramatic success of the system. I wager more inheritance millionaires have been created this year alone than in one year of the sadly vanished Raj.”
Lord Phumble Knut also had a stinging rebuke for people “nitpicking” over the way the money has been spent.
“Base jealousy and envy. But what do you expect from the great unwashed?”
The BBC is said to be making a documentary already on the system titled “Track and Trace – A Very Exceptional British Success”.