NURSE! NURSE! : Running endless focus groups can be a tiring way to govern a democracy crumbling rapidly into a feudalist fetish rebirth colony, especially if you don’t think the great unwashed have a right to think. Happily British PM Boris Johnson has hit on a way to short circuit all that.
“The boss is going to give his mate Dom a retrospective bonus for all his out of the box thinking in 2020,” a Downing Street source has revealed to LCD Views.
The motivation for the surprising decision appears to be a way to conduct a complete and total focus group of the entirety of the British public and press factions all at once.
“It’s the perfect day to do it. You must keep in mind that Johnson is emotionally a very abusive individual. He’s praised and promised nurses for saving his life, for dying for their country and then he’s given them a sub-inflation pay rise. Essentially a pay cut. It’s hilarious. He’s very pleased with himself. But he’s really eager to see just how much he can get away with. How far can he push it? Well, let’s find out.”
So find out he will.
“350 is now as iconic a number in British public life as the devil’s 52/48. So let’s give Dom a 350% bonus on his salary last year and make it every week. See if the public snap? Bloody funny.”
We send £350m a week to the EU let’s give it to mates of Johnson instead. Doff the cap. Keep calm and carry on at the trough.