BATTLE OF BORIS : Few can forget where they were last year when Boris Johnson emerged from hospital after contracting Covid to thank the NHS for healing him. Few can, but Boris Johnson can.
Now in order to remind everyone just how serious his amnesia is the people’s Prime Minister has signed off on a sub-inflation pay rise for the NHS to show the depth of his gratitude.
“What sort of message would it send if we started giving whinging lefties pay rises instead of just exploiting their good nature for our own benefit?” a Downing Street source asked us and we don’t know why.
“Many public sector workers, be they in the NHS or schools, do so out of a passion to care for their fellow men, women and children. That good nature is ripe for exploitation and we’re not going to miss any opportunity to do just that.”
There is however a rumble of outrage in the country over the astronomical pisstaking by a government that can give its mates £37bn for a track and trace service that doesn’t work, enrich everyone Matt Hancock has ever met for substandard or non-existent PPE, but not give a fig about the workers who have been dying during the pandemic.
“Everyone just needs to calm down,” the source advises. “We’re also going to give the NHS workers a Spitfire flypast. And for patriotic Brits that’s more important than paying the rent.”