A SPECIAL PLACE IN HELL : The United Kingdom’s last prime minister, Boris Johnson, has revealed the beginnings of a midlife crisis made him enter politics.
Some would say that as he was already expressing that by infidelity with younger blondes, maybe he could just have bought a sports car and saved us all a lot of trouble?
But while Boris Johnson is likely to win a “No Shit Sherlock” award for his revelation, people are asking what was the motivation for his partner in crime, Michael Gove?
“It’s quite straightforward actually, like everything about me,” Michael Gove told LCD Views over Zoom.
For the interview Mr Gove choose a backdrop of a medieval torture dungeon and a soundtrack we couldn’t recognise, but was later understood to be a bag of Saint Bernard puppies being thrown into a fire. Again and again.
“One morning I was trying to work out how I could inflict the most suffering on my fellow man and I settled on politics. Although I would be lying if I was breathing. I mean, if I didn’t admit I received an offer too good to refuse.”
We inquired if he had a detailed plan when he made the decision? And who made the irresistible offer?
“Not really a plan as such, but with an overarching aim of causing pain that wasn’t necessary. The devil made the decision for me. He made me do it. He visited me in a come down fever dream after a particularly ebullient night with the Bullingdon Club and offered me total power on three conditions.”
And what were they?
“I had to work for his earthly incarnation Rupert Murdoch. I had to pledge to inflict maximum damage on the truth. And finally, I had to give him my immortal soul.”
Your soul? Isn’t that a bit steep?
“Not really. My soul is impressively cheap.”