THE FAR SIDE OF CREDIBILITY AND BEYOND : NO LESS A SUPERPOWER OF VISIONARY POSSIBILITIES than Foreign and Commonwealth Secretary Dominic “pulsating vein” Raab is rumoured to be pushing to establish a new British colony on Antarctica.
The completely fabricated rumours suggest that Raab is believed to see the possibilities of the United Kingdom becoming self-sufficient in “tropical produce like bananas, passionfruits and teas” just like “all the other countries of the Southern Hemisphere”.
It’s believed Raab got the idea for the project when looking at a FCO map of Antarctica from 1914 and finding the massive southern continent was entirely white.
“It’s a blank canvas,” Raab is rumoured to have declared. “It’s all white. There’s nothing there. We can build whatever we like. We can farm. Fish. Make skyscrapers. We need to get there before the French.”
Clearly also we can “draw whatever lines we like on that map. It will be like the 19th century, the 1920’s all over again. I’m just amazed no one has got there first. Sometimes it takes an Englishman.”
Liz Truss is also believed to support the project, with the suggestion being she sees the possibility of a fully taxpayer funded trade mission to Antarctica and a smashing series of photographs with Union Jacks and “Penguins. Polar Bears. Eskimos. Igloos. The lot!”
It’s further thought that once the garden city is up and running it will attract massive investment and create great demand for British products.
“Mr Johnson will announce a feasibility study shortly,” the source adds. “Just as soon as another corruption and lawbreaking scandal hits the cabinet.”