THE BRAIN OF BRITAIN : Some people choose greatness, some have greatness thrust upon them and some are Dominic Raab.
The Brain of Britain, the man who discovered the Dover-Calais land bridge is at it again. Not content to rest on his laurels he has now informed a grateful and worried nation exactly when the benefits of Brexit will reveal themselves.
“In 10 years time,” the actual foreign and commonwealth secretary informed the nation. “About the time I anticipate the benefits of my brain transplant to kick in. Although trade, unlike brain transplants, isn’t rocket surgery.”
The 10 year target will be welcome news for businesses up and down the land who are struggling to survive today.
“It’s great to have a road map. It’s the quality of the planning the architects of Brexit put into the project that is so impressive,” a bi-valve seafood wholesaler told LCD Views. “Now when I fire my staff I can reassure them in 10 years time I maybe able to rehire them. That’s if they haven’t retrained in cyber by then. Now if you’ll excuse me I’ve got to follow the advice of the government sponsored ad on a podcast and trade with China.”
But the setting of a ten year target is not without controversy, as fellow Tory Tory Tory Jacob Rees-mogg established expectations at 50 years.
“That’s because there’s a solar eclipse then,” Raab shrugged. “And he’s planning to set outside in the daytime. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to take my medication. Brain transplants don’t look after themselves you know. And if I don’t stay sharp the EU will nick more U.K. business.”