BREXIT IS BALLS : To make a success of Brexit the meaning of a lot of words has had to be changed, and the long established names of items also needs to undergo a revolution.
Captivity has become Liberty. International Pariah has become Sovereignty. Red Tape has become Massive. Fishing Industry has become Growth Opportunity.
So far, so good. But who is deciding what gets an update?
“The Committee of Gumby,” a Downing Street source informs LCD Views. “also known as the Renaming Research Group, but that’s just so it can claim expenses off the taxpayer. It’s modelled on the ERG. They billed the taxpayer to undertake their research on Europe. You can see how well spent the money was by Brexit. Genius. It’s almost like a lot of MPs are completely on the take. The pisstake that is. Don’t mistake my meaning.”
What have the Committee renamed so far?
“Brussels Sprouts. That’s not news. We all know they’re now Yorkshire Sprouts. It’s freed them of suspicious associations. Spider Crabs are now King Crabs. That’s a new one. Total genius. And we’re not forgetting all the other vegetables. Although Grant Shapps already has multiple aliases, so we’re saving money by letting him continue to rename himself.”
It seems shoppers will need to get used to different, more patriotic names when they tour the overflowing produce aisles of Brexitannia?
“Yes. And today’s renaming is one of the most apt yet,” the source advises.
“We’ve renamed onions Brexit balls, because every layer you peel back makes you cry.”
*Thanks to Not Andrea for starting it 🙂