WHERE THERE IS RANCOUR LET US SOW DISCORD : The United Kingdom’s last prime minister, Boris Johnson, has now and then been accused of being selfish, but he’s hitting back at that.
The government’s country beating levelling up agenda is just the opportunity Mr Johnson has been looking for to show the various components of the country what he thinks of them. The decision to open a new coal mine in North Wales is ripe for exploitation.
“He’s going to share Maggie with the Welsh,” a 10 Downing Street genius told LCD Views. “The decision to green light a new coal mine not only sends a signal to the world how serious the Tories are about fighting climate change, it is also a symbolic opportunity too good to miss.”
The chance the old chancer is taking is to name the mine after a modern, historical figure secure in the minds and feelings of the people of Wales.
“The Margaret Thatcher memorial coal mine will dig deep into the feelings of the people of Cymru,” the source advises. “Every time they pass by the mine they’ll see her name and know exactly what Mr Johnson thinks of them.”
And the opening of the mine will not be wasted either.
“The woman who normally plays Carrie for doorstep claps is currently retraining to impersonate Mrs Thatcher. It’s her greatest acting challenge since playing Melania Trump.”
The idea is thought to have been cooked up by Mr Johnson’s new unit focused on keeping the United Kingdom together, by expressions of our shared values.
A statue of Mrs Thatcher will also be erected outside the mine’s entrance so all those employed there know exactly what is waiting for them deep under the ground.