MERCI : A SURVEY OF BRITISH SHOPPERS HAS REVEALED A TOTALLY EXPECTED RESULT, REGARDING THE ATTITUDES OF THE FRENCH.
Experts in consumer attitudes and brand trends, Mastadon, were commissioned to undertake a broad ranging study of consumer attitudes within the UK and made some surprising discoveries about our continental friends and allies.
“We asked thousands of shoppers what they felt about the new packaging for British groceries, post Brexit,” Sabr Tooth, CEO of Mastadon told LCD Views. “I had already guessed what the results would be, when I was designing the survey questions. I wasn’t disappointed.”
It’s believed British shoppers felt that anything plastered with a Union Jack on it must taste better.
“People feel a hitherto unknown source of nationalist sentiment when choosing a carton of eggs that is covered in the Union Jack 100%. If you don’t have trouble working out what the product is now, because of all the flags, than the product must be rubbish and the person selling it to you should probably go to a re-education camp where the Commandant is Widdecombe for Fuhrage.”
But what about the French?
“What about the French indeed. It’s clear they can do with taking a few pointers from the English, as we embark on our new and bold patriotic destiny as leaders of the Pacific region.”
The telling moment was a question asked specifically about that most famous of French exports, wine.
“We showed English shoppers several images of wine from French regions and asked what they thought about the bottles? And importantly, what they thought the French thought about themselves, as expressed in the packaging. The lack of French flags was damning. It would be impossible to tell where the wine was produced because the labels are just not patriotic.”
And the findings are important for the trading future of the British empire.
“We will now advise Kent wine makers to plaster their bottles in Union Jacks. That’ll stuff Macron. We’ll be the leading exporter of English sparkling wine in no time.”