A ROSE BY ANY OTHER NAME : DOWNING STREET is to make moves to capitalise on the BRITISH VICTORY IN THE VACCINE WARS AGAINST EUROPE.
Many of the actions will be predictable.
“Boris Johnson has ordered a Spitfire fly past tomorrow along the White Cliffs of Dover,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views.
“You probably saw that one coming. We know Macron will! Take that!”
There will also be a new military medal celebrating valour on the post Brexit field of BATTLE.
“It’s to recognise that although we WON THE BREXIT WAR, we will never surrender either our sense of superiority or VICTIMHOOD just to please the UNELECTED bureaucrats in BRUSSELS.”
The war will never end, all can take heart from that, so long as Brexiters govern.
“We need an enemy always or we can’t make sense of the world,” the source clarified. “But the boldest move that Johnson has ordered will be the most effective.”
This is because it will call on the prime minister’s famous MASTERY OF the English LANGAUGE.
“Monday is when it happens. Little Mark Francois has been chosen to do the deed. This will cement his return to front line politics after a regrettable absence, for reasons its best to keep in the longest grass you can find.”
And the deed will be linguistic.
“Words and talking are his area of excellence and this one act will ensure victory in all and any of the weekly, daily, hourly fights with Brussels that will inevitably occur, frequently, thanks to BREXIT GETTING DONE. So long as BRUSSELS stubbornly refuse to remain alone in the 21st century. And even if they don’t.”
But what is this powerful deed?
“Boris Johnson is introducing a world beating new law that will force the publishers of the Oxford English Dictionary to change the meaning of British to “EXCEPTIONALISM”. And all other publishers of dictionaries. And that’s all capitals. Because that’s how we communicate NOW AND FOREVER FROM NOW IN GLOBAL BRITAIN.”