HE WHO PAYS THE PIPER CALLS THE SCREENSAVER : DOWNING STREET HAVE PLEDGED TO LEAVE NO SPACE BAR UNPRESSED as a new mystery contorts the country.
“It’s a welcome distraction to be honest,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views. “As long as people are talking about the laptops being handed out by Tory donors to poor kids, no one is talking about the frankly horrifying death toll from mismanaging the pandemic.”
And talking about the laptops people are. Especially educators.
“It was a nice initial effort to have many of the laptops being given to our country’s future chimney sweeps to be missing sound cards,” the source grinned. “But the screensavers of a shirtless Putin on a horse? OMG. Jackpot. I personally would have gone for him fishing shirtless, but that’s just because I can’t wait to get out of lockdown and go fishing shirtless.”
While some are suggesting that the screensavers are a result of the laptops being riddled with Russian developed computer viruses, our source has a more down to earth explanation.
“It’s intentional. A living and breathing dead cat. We employed dozens of SPADS over last weekend to take this idea from just a scribble on a chalkboard to a proper scandal. I think it was actually an idea leftover from Dom’s time at Downing Street. The idea blackboard doesn’t get used much anymore.”
The SPADS concerned are thought to have photocopied thousands of images of the Russian leader and blu-tac’d them to the laptops screens. Then the laptops were delivered to schools.
“The pictures had to be stuck to the screens, because the supplier pulled all the laptops out of a skip behind a medical waste facility. Really lucky find. Increased the profit margin considerably.”