BUST OF BRITAIN : World famous diplomat, and part-time British Prime Minister, Boris Johnson has lobbed a sweetener across the pond to new US President Joe Biden.
It’s tradition for heads of state to send gifts to their contemporaries when new hands grip the tiller, and Global Britain is no laggard in this area.
“We were considering sending a representative of the royal family over, as a kind of prisoner. But Prince Andrew was the only one with time in his diary and he is curiously adverse to international travel. So we decided on something in brass.”
The something is a bust of the current British Prime Minister Boris Johnson.
“Of course it should have been Rupert Murdoch, for accuracy, but he wouldn’t allow it.”
And while the bronze has been cast in record time, it’s understood there were some heated debates over the design.
“In the end they settled on the standard bust, as popularised by bra-less Roman leaders in the distant past. But that is said to have caused quite the stink indoors, as Carrie Symonds is rumoured to be livid it wasn’t a double of her and Johnson.”
It’s also believed Dominic Cummings wanted the bust to be a triplicate design, with himself also featured. He apparently has a warehouse full of them at the ready.
“As the Biden administration is new and doesn’t have the depth of experience present in Downing Street, we thought it best not to confuse matters.”
And there’s a lot of brass involved too.
“The majority of the bust is comprised of butter and would ideally be refrigerated. Except for the neck. No messing with the alloy there. Boris Johnson’s brass neck is rendered faithfully. And if you look closely you can all the funny things he’s said about ethnic minorities etched in. A charming little extra.”
The bust of Boris is expected to be in the Oval Office before the close of business today, with a note instructing the new tenant on Pennsylvania Avenue to sit it right next to Winston Churchill.