WE’RE NUMBER ONE AGAIN : THE UNITED KINGDOM is ready to set off the fireworks and party this evening as it regains a coveted number one spot in global rankings.
“We’re not talking about the pandemic death stats here,” a 10 Downing Street source said. “We don’t like to talk about that. We’re talking about governance.”
And governance, or the lack of it, is the criteria and we are the WINNERS!
“The Union Jack flags will be raised in the living rooms and toilets of all Conservative MPs just before 7pm, and which a mass Zoom salute will be held as we take back our crown.”
The reason for the leap back to the top is the reclaiming of the mantle of “World’s Leading Idiocracy”, first clenched by the UK when it decided to Brexit.
“We didn’t get to hold onto the title for long back in 2016, as the USA elected Donald Trump only a few months later and took an unassailable lead. But now with the inauguration of Biden/Harris there is no one to get in our way.”
Many countries can claim to be Idiocracies. Many are poorly governed.
“But none have the natural, geographical, historical, diplomatic, financial, cultural and inherited advantages that we have chosen to throw away in the hope of becoming the world’s greatest financial laundromat.”
A mass slap will be held at 8pm tonight to celebrate. Get ready to hit yourself across the face, and afterwards, just keep on hitting as we take the title back!