WAVE YOUR WILLY JACK PROUDLY : WHILE many areas of the British economy are suffering from the “teething problems” of Brexit, one area of traditional Chinese manufacturing for export into the UK market is only seeing an upturn.
“The fetish for British politicians to wave the Union Jack has become a full blown psychosis,” our patriotism correspondent reports proudly. “What better retreat is there mentally? We’re in a self-created, national crisis. Both main English political parties pushed it into being. Both voted for it as collectives. Flag waving will now fix it! Everyone is at it!”
To assist MPs in leading the way it believed the Prime Minister is considering placing an order with famous patriot Nigel Farage’s tailor for 650 Union Jack suits.
But while MPs have their flags (and often suits) gifted to them, or can claim them on expenses, not everyone is so instinctively patriotic.
“The Chancellor is being urged to slash VAT off Union Jack flags so that the whole country can get involved. And further measures, such as legislation to force everyone with a front garden to install a pole, are being considered.”
There is no problem a simple bit of flag shagging can’t fix. You have to appeal to people’s core strengths when you deliberately engineer a national crisis in the service of disaster capitalism.
And the move to slash VAT off Union Jacks will not leave a hole in the exchequer.
“The VAT on the flags the Scots and Welsh like to wave about will be going up by at least 10,000%. Oh, and the Cornish one. That too. Just to be on the safe side.”