THEY SEEK HER HERE THEY SEEK HER THERE: Dedicated followers of Dido Harding have fashioned a solution. Harding, who seems to have vanished along with the £22bn she earned for the world beating track and trace operation, is being desperately sought. The person appointed to find her is none other than Dido Harding.
In one way, this makes perfect sense. The one person on earth guaranteed to know the whereabouts of Dido Harding is Dido Harding herself.
Those who doubt that the government should authorise such a ridiculous tautology, think of this. Dido find Dido? This is the same bunch of charlatans who gave us Brexit means Brexit.
The fee quoted is £22bn. Although arguably slightly on the high side, it is unfortunately the market rate, according to an anonymous government source.
The hue and cry will start as soon as the cheque has cleared. The pandemic control team is depending on it.
“We are confident that the operation will be successful,” claimed government mystic Crystal Balls. “The voyage of self discovery may commence at any age. I am convinced that Dido will be able to find herself.”
Others are not so sure. After all, Harding has a track record of vanishing without track or trace after being paid huge sums of public money to perform a self-defined task.
“It’s a scam, a rip-off,” argued public finance expert Budgie Toverspend. “My best guess is that she will pocket the cash, and then report periodically that, despite straining every sinew, she has been unable to discover her present whereabouts. She, and we, will get bored of this game after a while, and the subject will never be mentioned again.”
A team has been assembled. This, according to the same anonymous government source, is ‘second to none’. Team members are rumoured to include Sherlock Holmes, Hercule Poirot, and Scooby Doo.
So light a pipe, twiddle your moustache, and have a Scooby Snack. The con, I mean the chase, is on!