DIGGING EVER DEEPER : WELCOME APPLAUSE IS HEADING THE WAY OF THE PRIME MINISTER THIS EVENING AS BRITS WILL ONCE AGAIN STAND ON THEIR DOORSTEPS.
Boris and zero hours contract Carrie are expected to also be involved, although they will be standing in humble recognition of the thanks they are to receive. Whether or not Dylin the prop dog will be present too isn’t yet clear, as it’s understood negotiations over a new contract are yet to conclude with his casting agency.
Until now the NHS and other slackers have hogged the limelight in the fight against the virus, with little appreciation given to the man who has done so much to orchestrate the UK’s world beating response.
“That changes today,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views, “we are urging all Britons to stand on their doorsteps at 8pm this evening and give a shout out for Boris.”
There will of course be clapping too, as is traditional.
“Try and clap in time with your neighbours,” the source urges, “to create the biggest impact in your neighbourhood. But please come together before 8pm and synchronise your watches so you can all be ready to shout on time at 8pm.”
The shout itself will draw on tradition and the famous plagues of yesteryear.
“Bring Out Your Dead! – it’s a British classic,” the source adds, “and given that Victoria Atkins said on TV this morning that it’s a fine line between protecting the economy and defeating the virus, there is clearly going to be a lot of dead left to bring out!”