VIRAL GOLD STANDARD : FANTASTIC NEWS FOR MATT HANCOCK TODAY AS THE WORLD BEATING UK TIER SYSTEM HAS WON A GONG.
The success for the Tier system is a first, as previously it had seemed useless at anything much at all, except slowing the spread of CV-19 to politically sustainable levels.
“That’s because of how slow we react to the viral spread,” a source unreliably claiming to work with Hancock told LCD Views, “not to do with inherent flaws in the Tier system. It’s designed to give the public the impression that we have Covid-19 under control, when clearly we don’t. But most are buying it hook, like and sinker, so on PR terms, it’s definitely holding its own.”
The actual award has been given by the little known Guild of Viruses.
“The Guild of Viruses also include bacterial representatives. They’ve been awarding trophies for horrific responses to diseases since the 14th century. But this is the first time the Tier system has been up for a prize. We’re very proud.”
The most noticeable facet of the Tier system is the thing that catches the eye of critics, and the Guild’s eye too.
“It’s an incredibly aspirational system. Any area of England can start in Tier 1 but rapidly progress through all the levels to Tier 4. It’s exceptionally impressive. And it puts paid to the efforts of those excitable countries that just decided to eliminate Covid-19 early this year. Completely useless countries for PPE contracts. And full of old people! Just cluttering up the housing market. No. We will stick with Tiers until the entire country is in tears.”