NIGHTINGALE LORRY PARKS : ENGLISH PRIME MINISTER BORIS JOHNSON HAS TAKEN PERSONAL CONTROL OF THE KENT LORRY PARK CRISIS AND A SWIFT RESOLUTION IS EXPECTED.
The seizing of the stationary wheel by the PM will also bring much needed good cheer to the thousands of stranded drivers, who are in danger of missing Christmas with their loved ones.
“At least they have each other for company,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views, “well, until Priti Patel starts deporting them as illegal immigrants.”
But in advance of the deportations from Global Britain the prime minister has chosen to minimise the scale of the unfolding drama.
“He’s hard at work as we speak,” the source continues, “he’s been drinking for the last 48 hours in preparation. French mostly, but one or two cheeky Italians have snuck in. Oh, and even a Riesling.”
And with the wind in his sails the prime minister has now begun to work on his solution.
“You’ll see the magnitude of the problem is rapidly de-escalating. The prime minister has his lorry driver’s play outfit on, the craft glue, the paints and all the wine boxes and crates he’s spent days emptying.”
But how has getting completely hammered help solve what is now a national embarrassment?
“He’s building a new lorry queue now out of the empties. And it’s much smaller than the one in the news. If you believe in yourself anything is believable.”
But critics of the prime minister have pointed out that even his scaled down model hasn’t significantly reduced the problem, as he’s worked his way through thousands of bottles of vino in preparation for his art project.