A BRITISH FIRST : GLOBAL BRITONS MAYBE MOSTLY STAYING HOME FOR CHRISTMAS but that doesn’t mean there aren’t new British landmarks to celebrate.
Prime Minister Boris Johnson is expected to ruffle up his famous vanishing blonde mop later today and set the podium out to make an announcement.
“He’s decided to reorganise the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse into Tiers,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views, exclusively, “after the success of plague under the current Covid-19 Tier system, it’s felt sensible to expand that across his entire style of government.”
The reorganisation of the famous riders will bring clarity to the country at a time when it is needed.
“The horsemen will also be given a contemporary look. By which I mean they’ll now be sporting solid Union Jack patterns. This will build on the work done repainting the PM’s plane, Airfarce One.”
But we understand there’s still more, as he’s also adding a fifth horsemen.
“This has been the subject of heated debate. Adding a fifth horsemen is a proud moment for the UK under Johnson. Some wag suggested Brexit should be the fifth horsemen, but that sent the ERG into a frenzy at the heresy. They threatened to set up yet another of their world beating research groups. And no one has time for all that. In the end it was decided that Lorry Queues in Kent would be the fifth horsemen. We’re just trying to nail down one word now as its handle before the press conference.”
But while the reclassification of the riders is itself long overdue, the adding of the fifth maybe controversial for the flailing prime minister, as he is likely to be unable to accurately state how many of the new fifth horseman there are. Looking at Kent it’s definitely not just a single rider, there appear to be hundreds of them.
“I wouldn’t worry about that. It’s not like they’re going anywhere. The fifth horsemen are all stuck in Kent.”