The year 2020 has had a lot of strange goings-on and it would be hard to pick the strangest. Between the COVID-19 pandemic and the American presidential elections, there’s been no shortage of newsworthy events.
But one of the oddest has to be connected with one of the people who brings us the news, namely Piers Morgan. All year long, people who have always hated him have suddenly found themselves agreeing with him and giving him the thumbs-up.
It turns out there’s a reason after all. It’s not the same Piers Morgan, but a duplicate from a parallel universe.
This only came to light when a communication came through from that other universe, who have, unfortunately for them, acquired ours.
The Piers Morgan currently residing in our universe was quick to explain:
“I’m not quite certain how it happened, but one minute everything is normal and the next I was here, with a different history. I looked up my own history in this universe and was frankly shocked at what an arsecockle I was here.”
In the universe where this Piers Morgan came from, the last few years happened very differently.
It started when the Scots voted narrowly for independence in 2014, but made a complete mess of trade deals with the UK and EU. Because of this the Brexit referendum was a landslide victory for Remain, Jeremy Corbyn is the prime minister who ended austerity and saved the NHS, and Hillary Clinton is America’s first female president, and according to recent communications from that other universe, both Britain and America are handling the pandemic a lot better than here, with only 341 COVID-related deaths in Britain and 937 in America.
Apparently the scientists and politicians in the other universe (who work very well together for the common good) twigged that something was wrong when Piers Morgan started championing Boris Johnson, who in their universe had been recognised as someone not to be trusted with power and never became prime minister. Scientists studied Morgan’s brain and found something that didn’t match.
And now they want to swap Piers Morgans with us to restore the status quo. They say they have found out how it happened and are willing (even desperate) to give us back ours. Something to do with the light of a full moon reflecting off the International Space Station and hitting a mirror at precisely 42 degrees.
I think we’d do well to decline the offer. I for one can say the only way I’d like any kind of Status Quo restored is if they’re willing to send us Rick Parfitt.