FLAG SHAGGED : Fantastic news for the future of British symbolism today with the announcement that its manufacturing future has been secured ahead of Brexit.
The owner of Plastique Patriojisms, Lord Phatt Carp, one of Britain’s richest men, spoke to the press this morning from his home in Monaco to reassure all patriots.
“We here at Plastique Patriojisms have been making plastic Union Jack bunting and Tory MPs since my ancestor founded the first factory in a woad ditch in 836 AD. And please make sure that is A D and not that BSE rubbish. BCE? Anyway. As the head of manufacturing I’ve been responsibly analysing the best place to continue providing British jobs for British workers making British symboliojisms after Brexit. And I’ve decided I’ll make the most money if I move the entire show to France.”
The decision to relocate Union Jack manufacturing to France will also enable the continued “just in time” supply lines to run seamlessly after January 1st 2021, regardless of what deal is agreed between the U.K. and EU.
When asked if he believed having to pay new customs duties, and fill out forms for his products to enter Britain after Dec 31st, would increase costs for British businesses? Lord Carp instantly fell asleep.
What will happen to the now vacant manufacturing plant in Woad-in-Dytch isn’t yet clear. But some suggest it could be filled with water and British fish. Then become a re-education camp for any fish considering also defecting to France.
At least the move by Lord Carp has proven one Brexiter assertion correct.
“I personally put millions into achieving Brexit,” Lord Phatt Carp beamed, “and I made a lot over the last few years trading on the volatility in pound Sterling. I look forward to purchasing distressed British businesses with my mad stash of tax sheltered money next year. It’s going to be great. And as the moving abroad of Plastique Patriojisms shows, British manufacturing? The EU needs it more than you. So long suckers! Ha!”