DON’T PANIC : DOWNING STREET HAS MOVED TO REASSURE GLOBAL BRITONS OVER THEIR GLOBAL FUTURE IN THE NEW YEAR BY CONFIRMING THEY HAVE DONE MORE REAL WORLD PLANNING THAN SEEMS APPARENT.
“It doesn’t matter what deal we get with the EU, we are ready for whatever we do to you,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views, “we’ve war gamed war against the British people and in each scenario we were victorious.”
While some of the details of the preparations undertaken by Downing Street remain secret, the government has decided to let a few cats out of the bag to reassure us.
“The choice of a floodplain for the Kent lorry park was deliberate. We’re testing how well we do under strain. To this end the park will be potentially dry and ready for straining truckers in the new year, sometime. And clearly our policy of discouraging hauliers from even visiting the UK in 2021 will make wet or dry in Kent irrelevant.”
But it’s not just managing demand in 2021 from outsiders, our great and farsighted leaders are also ready to manage expectations at home.
“Remember the great KFC chicken shortage of a few years back? The emergency services overwhelmed by furious and confused Britons demanding to know where the chicken was? That was on purpose. Now we know how to handle supply lines crises.”
And happily the solution is tried and tested.
“We’ll just keep saying Blitz Spirit! And everyone will know exactly how to handle whatever temporary inconveniences arise out of the unreasonable attitude of foreigners to Brexit.”