PILE ‘EM HIGH AND SELL ‘EM CHEAP : THE PEOPLE’S PANDEMIC, BORIS JOHNSON, IS SET TO THRILL THE CONSTRUCTION INDUSTRY WITH THE ANNOUNCEMENT TODAY OF A GEORGIAN MANOR BUILDING BOOM.
The boost to the building sector comes as demand for classic 18th century, stately homes has surged in recent months, following the handling out of untendered PPE contracts to people who once met Matt Hancock.
“We’ll be flying in the required craftsmen and tradespeople from the continent on special charter flights,” a Downing Street spokesman told LCD Views, “all native talent is currently pouring concrete in Kent. But that won’t stop us getting Manor building done!”
The properties will be constructed on the sweeping fields of farms that will be bankrupted with Brexit.
“Those farmers are dust now anyway. At least by watching a stately pile rapidly rising over their humble dwelling they’ll know their land won’t go to waste. And who knows, maybe they can rent an acre on it to grow their own food, as in the good old days. Although imported American chlorine soaked in antibiotics and hormones will plainly be the more economical alternative.”
But critics have been quick to point out that the boom will only really benefit people who’ve landed plum PPE contracts throughout the course of the tantric Covid-19 pandemic.
“That’s short sighted. The way we’ve handled Covid-19 is just a dress rehearsal for Brexit. There’s going to be stumbling blocks, shortages and flaring disasters all over once we finish the transition period. You want to get down to the boozer of a Tory MP today and rub shoulders. You never know your luck in the big city, or the small hamlet.”
PPE contracts – you’ve got to be in it to win it!